(Un)Disclosing Autism in the Workplace by @AspieKid || AutismAid

(Un)Disclosing Autism in the Workplace

by AspieKid, aspiekid.net
October 21st 2012
I was bullied a lot during several periods of my childhood. I had no idea why. I never did anything to any of those people. None of them had anything to prove to me. Many of them didn’t even know me. And I used to wonder and worry about it so much. It was like they were intentionally trying to ruin my childhood. Childhood is such an important time in a person’s life, and mine was mostly destroyed by people who had less interest in living their own lives than ruining mine. I often wonder how I would have turned out if I had been allowed to have a happy and peaceful childhood. I’ll never know.

And it wasn’t just the bullies. Everyone in my life seemed to be in on the conspiracy. My parents forced me to go to school, under the pretext that I was getting an education there. But I never felt like I learned much in such an environment. My teachers thought I was weird and looked the other way when kids picked on me, even when they became physically violent with me. Nobody cared. I was on my own. And if I ever fought back, then I was the one accused of being the violent person. I had no one I could turn to and nobody, not even my parents, seemed to care or even believe me. It caused a lot of confusion and mental anguish.

As an adult, I often think back to those times, trying to somehow understand it all. Why did it happen? What did those kids get out of doing all that stuff to me? Are they in better positions in life because they bullied me when we were all kids? I still don’t get it. But I understand society better now than I did when I was a kid and I think it is partly because of societal competition. People pick on the most vulnerable, so they can legitimize their position in the social hierarchy. I never understood why we need a social hierarchy at all. Societal competition is a product of the neurotypical world. I never wanted anything to do with it.

Workplaces are just like schools. Everybody competes to make it to the top. I never watch TV, but my brother tells me about a show called Survivor. Have you heard of it? I know nothing about it. But it sounds exactly the way most schools and workplaces seem to me. I don’t feel like autistics are a problem in society at all. I feel like it is the cutthroat dog-eat-dog neurotypical part of society that is the real problem. As a matter of fact, I honestly believe that neurotypical behavior will some day drive the human species to extinction. Not to generalize too much, because I have had some great neurotypical friends. But unfortunately the nice neurotypicals do not represent the majority, at least not in the United States where I live. The workplace setting seems no better than the schools where people were free to bully me with impunity. Most people delude themselves into thinking they have matured and grown up, but most of them are no more mature than they were when they were 8. Who are they trying to fool?

I found a way to make it through all of that somehow. I figured out how to find my own little corner in most workplaces where I can be productive and earn a little income. I see all of the competition in the workplaces and I am careful to stay out of it. I don’t want to revisit the events of my childhood, especially not now that it is my career. Decades after all of that happened to me, I still live with the confusion from it. I still know that there are people out there who committed crimes against me who will never be brought to justice. I know what it is like to be a Jew growing up in a society of Nazis. The people who say that competition is somehow good for society are, quite frankly, insane. Societies collapse because of competition. Societies thrive when there is cooperation. As long as we insist on having this highly competitive society, then I will insist that I be left out of it.

A few months ago, only a couple of miles from where I live, a guy walked into a movie theater and started shooting people. He hasn’t been cooperating with the investigators and has refused to discuss his motive. But we do know that he was in a PhD program at one of the most competitive universities in the United States, had failed an important exam and dropped out of the program. Is this what competition does to people? When our society forces people to prove they are better than others and puts their career, their means of survival on the line if they fail, isn’t society partly to blame for these events? And one irresponsible and unprofessional journalist, whose disgraced name is not worth mentioning here, had the nerve to suggest that the shooter must have been autistic. Even after such a tragedy, a neurotypical journalist had the nerve to exploit the shooting in order to wage more war against autistics. Hatred prevails. The war never ends.

I don’t want to be a part of that war anymore. I don’t want to be one of the people on Survivor. Anything I say in a workplace can and will be used against me. So I exercise my right to remain silent. After a statement is made, there is no way to take it back. The cat is out of the bag at that point. Rumors spread. People gain each other’s trust only to stab each other in the back. I’ve seen it happen many times. People in my industry talk to each other. They pass information from recruiter to recruiter. How could I ever deal with the fallout from telling coworkers or a boss that I am on the autism spectrum? I would have no way to control it. And everyone is looking for a way to climb on top of each other so they can get ahead. Some of them will destroy your life just to prove they can do it. I don’t need any more of that. I don’t want to give people ammunition they can use against me. I would rather be left out of the societal war. So I remain a closet autistic in the workplace.

Autism acceptance is up to neurotypicals. It is not something that autistics should have to beg for. Neurotypical behavior and attitudes have to change. Not the other way around.

Original Page: http://www.aspiekid.net/2012/10/discosing-autism-in-the-workplace/

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True friends ask of you nothing / The ground on which I lay : @Aspienaut : WIRED differently || AutismAid

True friends ask of you nothing / The ground on which I lay : Aspienaut : WIRED differently

aspienaut.tumblr.com | Nov 30th -0001

They spin and they turn, they turn and they fall, fall back to the ground, the ground on which I lay. I am above and beyond, in any way that you could ever understand, above and beyond in all things, I am at this point….Happy!  Happy in the truly absorbing spectacle of the spinning, the spinning and the turning, the turning and the falling.  Over and over, again and again.  There is never too much, there is never enough of this. There is never ever too much, again and again, I scoop and throw, scoop and throw, the sycamore seeds.  My perfect, spinning, turning, falling friends!  Who spin and they turn, they turn and they fall, fall back to the ground.  The ground on which I lay.

© Paul C Siebenthal Feb 2012

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Racism evident behind some US social media

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26 November 2012 Last updated at 22:59 ET Help

In the decades since the civil rights movement helped end segregation in the US, openly racist language has largely disappeared from public discourse.

Yet the re-election of America's first black president on November 6 sparked an ugly outburst by some students at the University of Mississippi in Oxford.

Racial slurs initially made in posts on Twitter and Facebook were soon repeated at an impromptu anti-Obama protest where campaign posters were also burned. Meanwhile rumours of a riot on campus spread on social media.

Researchers say the incident has highlighted how some people are more prepared to voice racist views online than in person. And how social media can be used to mobilise people who share those views very quickly.

Social media was also used to bring together hundreds of students for a candlelit vigil the following night. The university authorities said the behaviour of a small minority had shamed the reputation of Ole Miss.

The BBC's Matt Danzico reports.

via bbc.co.uk

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A School Distanced From Technology Faces Its Intrusion

by VIVIAN YEE, nytimes.com
November 7th 2012

VERSHIRE, Vt. — Past the chicken coop and up a hill, in a spot on campus where the wooden buildings of the Mountain School can seem farther away than the mountains of western New Hampshire, there sometimes can be found a single bar, sometimes two, of cellphone reception.

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The spot, between the potato patch and a llama named Nigel, is something of an open secret at the school in this remote corner of Vermont where simplicity is valued over technology. “We’re at the periphery of civilization here,” said Doug Austin, a teacher.

But that is about to change.

The school offers high school juniors, many from elite private institutions in the Northeast, a semester to immerse themselves in nature. The students make solo camping trips to a nearby mountain for a day or two of reflection, and practice orienteering skills without a GPS device. Between English and environmental science classes, they care for farm animals, chop wood and read the works of Robert Frost. And in the process, many say, they stop scouring the campus for its sparse bars of reception and lose the habit of checking their Facebook pages at every opportunity.

As the rest of the country has gotten high-speed Internet, Vershire (population 730) has lagged, relying on land lines shared among neighbors, with dial-up and (for homes that face the right way) satellite Internet service that cuts out when the weather is rough. But cellphone signals have been seeping in, and soon there will be more.

This fall, technicians will start laying fiber-optic cable to bring high-speed Internet to the town. Cellphone coverage is expected soon after. “Right now we’re the third-world country of Vermont,” said Gene Craft, the town clerk. “We’d like to be in touch.”

That presents a challenge for the Mountain School: how to regulate the use of smartphones and other devices that serve as a constant distraction for 21st-century teenagers, who are here to engage with the rural setting and with one another.

True to its mission of encouraging “collaborative learning and shared work,” the school asked its students and alumni to develop a technology policy that will determine whether to ban phones, allow them in a limited way or leave the decision whether to disconnect to students.

Many students, alumni and teachers have asked Alden Smith, the school’s director, to declare a ban. But the school has always held that its students can be trusted to make good choices, he said. “We have to figure out the balance between how to preserve the values we have,” Mr. Smith said. “But I tend to think that adolescents, particularly the ones we get here, when mentored, will rise to the occasion when trusted with real responsibility.”

To make phone calls from the 300-acre campus, students must take turns, using prepaid calling cards, at small phone closets in each dormitory. At the recommendation of alumni, there is no Internet service in the dorms, only in the academic building, and incoming students are strongly discouraged from bringing DVDs or loading videos on their laptops. (Even where there is Internet service, any online activity that requires significant bandwidth — watching a video on YouTube, for example — means a loss of signal to others because the town’s fair access policy limits bandwidth to the school.)

At first, Andy Sharp, 17, from nearby Thetford Academy, missed participating in his friends’ fantasy football league online. But after most of a semester at the school, he said, he uses his laptop only for doing homework and checking Facebook occasionally. “I didn’t think that was going to happen to me, but it did,” he said. “Your focus shifts to things that are in front of you.”

That is not to say that students cut themselves off from the outside world altogether. Many were keeping up with new music, including Julia Christensen, a 16-year-old from the Lakeside School in Seattle. She planned to wake up before 7 a.m. recently to download Taylor Swift’s new album before the morning Internet rush hour. But that was an exception.

“Here, if you spent a lot of time on your computer, people would think that’s lame,” said Calais Larson, 17, of Phillips Exeter Academy, who believes that cellphones should not be used on campus.

Students say they are ambivalent about returning to a world where they can be reached at any moment.

After a short break last month, several students said it was a relief when they returned and were not expected to respond immediately to text messages or did not have to worry about which party to attend. As they split firewood and dug potatoes, the discussion was instead about heading to Garden Hill to watch the stars, or reading Frost and hiking in the New England countryside.

The school says students have agreed on a draft policy: students will hand over their phones to the faculty when they arrive and will get them back on off-campus trips; they can also choose to get them back a month into the semester.

Mr. Smith and other longtime teachers say their goal is not to encourage their students to live without technology, but to make them think more carefully about their use of it.

“The idea is not to be going back to a time where things were better,” Mr. Smith said, “but where the richness of each day is defined by the food you eat, the company you keep, the work you do.”

Original Page: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/08/us/vermont-school-cut-off-from-technology-faces-its-intrusion.html?nl=todaysheadlines&emc=edit_th_20121108

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At What Point Do Our Actions Constitute Torture? By @EmmasHopeBook || AutiismAid

At What Point Do Our Actions Constitute Torture?

emmashopebook.com | Sep 10th 2012

The New York Times published an OpEd piece yesterday by Bill Lichtenstein about the use of restraints and seclusion rooms for children with special needs in schools.  Please read by clicking ‘here‘.   Bill Lichtenstein writes, “According to national Department of Education data, most of the nearly 40,000 students who were restrained or isolated in seclusion rooms during the 2009-10 school year had learning, behavioral, physical or developmental needs, even though students with those issues represented just 12 percent of the student population.”

When we speak of a group of people as less than, when we view them through the lens of deficiency, we begin paving the way for the kind of abuse shown in this footage at the Judge Rotenberg Center.

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The Judge Rotenberg Center is still operating despite lawsuits, protests and outrage.  The Judge Rotenberg Center, the systematic use of restraints and seclusion rooms in our schools as described in the NYTimes OpEd piece are but a few examples of what happens when we allow ourselves to think of people as “low functioning,” “severely Autistic” or any of the other words so readily used when speaking of Autism .  Those words make incorrect assumptions about a person’s intellect, capabilities and cognition.

When organizations like Autism Speaks and others like them fan the flames of fear by using words like epidemic, devastating, and use war terminology regarding Autism and Autistic people we are creating a toxic environment for those who are Autistic, an environment our children, who will one day grow up to become adults, will inherit.  There is a connection to the current words being used when talking about Autism and the abuse of Autistics.

All of us, each one of us must ask ourselves – if you were unable to speak in a language that those who had power over you understood, if you were spoken of as “broken,” “deficient,” “low functioning” and people treated you as though you were incapable of understanding because you could not make yourself understood, even though you continuously tried, if you were then punished, scolded, yelled at, drugged, restrained, shocked, put into a dark room because you expressed your frustration in the only way you knew how – by acting out, by becoming violent, by self harming –  what would you do?  How would YOU feel?  At what point do our actions constitute torture?

Countless articles have been written about the abuse of disabled children and yet the abuse continues.  Mother Jones published an article  about the Judge Rotenberg Center in 2007, recently updated entitled School of Shock.  

“The Rotenberg Center is the only facility in the country that disciplines students by shocking them, a form of punishment not inflicted on serial killers or child molesters or any of the 2.2 million inmates now incarcerated in U.S. jails and prisons.”

The words we use, the organizations we support, the way we speak to and about our Autistic children, as well as Autistic people, matters.  I have done so many things wrong in raising my daughter, I cannot fit it all into a single post.  I have so many regrets, I could fill several pages with the things I tried all in the name of “helping her.”  Emma could not tell me how she felt about the various treatments and remedies I tried and I never thought to ask.  I’ve written about all of this before, the DAN doctors, the specialists, the pediatricians, the stem cell treatments.  If I sit and contemplate what I’ve done to my daughter with the best of intentions, I can barely move.  I feel devastated.  I know I didn’t mean to hurt her.  I know I didn’t mean to harm her.  I know.  I did it because I thought that as her mother it was the right thing to do.  Now I know differently.  Now I know what I did was wrong.  And the only thing I can do moving forward is write about it honestly.  Talk about it.  I can make sure I do things differently now.  I can make sure I talk about these things openly, honestly, not because I am intent on beating myself up, nothing good comes of that, but because maybe, just maybe others may learn from my mistakes.

What we do, how we behave, what we say and how we say it matters.  This is the ripple effect.

Original Page: http://emmashopebook.com/2012/09/10/at-what-point-do-our-actions-constitute-torture/

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Bloggers, Writers, Autism and a Huge Amount of Hope by @EmmasHopeBook || AutismAid

Bloggers, Writers, Autism and a Huge Amount of Hope

emmashopebook.com | Nov 13th 2012

When Emma was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (pervasive developmental disorder – not otherwise specified) in 2004, I was lulled into believing it was a temporary condition, nothing that a few years of therapy wouldn’t resolve.  I saw it as a kind of throw away diagnosis, not exactly full-blown autism, more like a mild version of something that resembled Autism, but wasn’t.  Kind of like a bad cold, not exactly a bacterial infection requiring antibiotics, but troublesome never-the-less and we’d have to ride it out.  Besides, I reasoned, just because many of Em’s behavior looked autistic-like, seemed autistic-ish, she probably wasn’t autistic because, well, no one really understood what autism was and so how could she be labeled something that no one understood or really knew what it even meant?  Or so my thinking went.  During this initial period I kept my eye out for any Autistic adults I could find, just in case, you know, she really was autistic, I wanted to know what we might expect.  I found none and concluded that since I couldn’t find any, there must not actually BE any to find.

Still, just on the off-chance I was somehow wrong, I kept looking.  Every now and again I’d find someone, read everything they wrote or said and conclude that my daughter wasn’t really like them or wasn’t like them enough to give me much hope that they were good examples of what she might be like later in life.   (In retrospect, since Em wants to be a singer, I should have been looking for performers who are autistic, but even so, would, most likely, have come to the same conclusion.) By the way, I have never met a neurotypical adult who seemed like an adult version of my neurotypical son, but this thought didn’t occur to me for a great many years.  Despite all of this, my search continued.

In 2005 Em’s PDD-NOS diagnosis officially became “autism”.  As time went on and my thinking continued to change, Emma remained Emma with all her “Autistic-like behaviors” very much in place and I continued to grapple with what this meant.  I wasn’t one of those parents who understood that regardless of her neurology, she was who she was and it was all good.  I bought into the autism is like cancer idea, and therapy was chemo.  (This idea was very popular back in 2004, though I hope it has waned.)  It took me awhile to question this thinking and it took me even longer to see how these beliefs made any “therapeutic” program somewhat reasonable, because, after all, nobody signs up to have chemo and talks about what an enjoyable experience it is.  The idea that Autism is NOT cancer, that this thinking in and of itself leads us down a very dark and dangerous path was something I didn’t come to until much later.

Now fast forward to this morning.  This morning I read a terrific post, The Princess, Her Socks and Her Late Pass on a wonderful blog I’ve begun reading regularly by Aspie Writer called, Twirling Naked in the Street and No-one Noticed, (love that title) which she describes as “A blogged book: Growing up with undiagnosed autism”.  Reading her post about how she hated wearing socks, (so does Emma) how the fabric bunched and the seam on her toes hurt and how the socks had tiny rocks in them that no one else could see or find, kept reminding me of Em.  Aspie Writer recounts how she was always late to class and keeps saying over and over, “I have to see Mr. Hiler for my late pass.”  It is a wonderfully written description about a baffling behavior.  She does such a terrific job describing her actions and words that they made total sense to me.  Not only was I able to identify with her thinking, it gave me a little glimpse into some of Em’s seemingly baffling actions or repeated sentences.

And I was reminded (again) of why reading blogs by Autistic people is of such vital importance to me.  It’s not because I think to myself, oh Emma is going to become this person when she’s an adult.  I don’t assume that because Aspie Writer is married, a mom of 3 and a wonderful writer this will be Emma’s future.  I haven’t met a single adult, autistic or otherwise who seems to be just like either of my children.  How could I?  There wasn’t an adult version of me when I was a child and I’m certainly not an adult version of anyone else’s child.  It’s kind of a ridiculous idea when you stop to think about it.  And yet, that’s what I wanted for all those years when I was searching.  I wanted to find someone who seemed just like Emma was.  I wanted this desperately because I was so fearful of her future.  Yet, all those autistic adults who are not exactly like my daughter  are the very reason I am no longer fearful and why I have so much hope.

Blogs, both the writing of this one and finding those written by Autistics have changed my life.  Blogs are a slice of life, immediate and interactive.  I can read a post and “like” it, comment on it, even though I may or may not get a response from the writer.  I can then tweet the post out, share it on Facebook and engage in a dialogue with the writer if they care to respond.  The immediacy of blogs is compelling, engaging and makes the reader feel more apart of than when reading a book.  Books are wonderful too, but they’re different.  They do not have the interactive element to them that makes blogging so wonderful.  Blogging is very much about “us”.  We, whether as a reader or writer, have the opportunity to become part of the process, a part of “them”.  Another aspect of blogging is – anyone can blog.  You don’t need an agent, you don’t need to even write “well” (though there are many wonderful writers who also blog), you just need to want to write.  So you have a great many people who may never have bothered to look for an agent or publisher, who are writing and because it’s a casual writing form, you also find some amazingly beautiful blogs written with honesty, unedited, raw and complex.

To all the Autistic people who are sharing your stories, your words, your lives, whether by commenting or by having a blog of your own or both, here’s a very loud and heartfelt thank you!  You are making a difference.  You have changed my life.  How does “thank you” even cover the enormity of that?  It doesn’t.

Emma – 2003

Original Page: http://emmashopebook.com/2012/11/13/bloggers-writers-autism-and-a-huge-amount-of-hope/

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Anxiety by @SpectrumScribe || AutismAid

Anxiety

by spectrumscribe, postcardsfromtheedgeofthespectrum.wordpress.com
November 30th -0001

by in Autism, ADHD Tags: ADHD, Anxiety, Aspergers, Autism, Courage, Mindfulness, neurological, stress, work pressure

I changed jobs a few months back and what I knew would be a significant challenge has been more of a battle and for much of the time!

I’ve been forced into confronting my severe ADHD and Aspergers on a daily basis and my journey thus far has been painful.

• The pressure and anxiety have, at times, has been crippling
• But I’m still on track
• In uncharted waters!

The prize for overcoming these battles is the dream that I have cherished since my youth.

But in order to cross the finish line I will need to reach far beyond the limits of my neurological impairments.

• This is going to draw on skills that in some cases I will be accessing for the first time
• As well as all of the mindfulness I can muster

To achieve this leaves me but one course of action.

I’m gonna to have to really suck it up

• finally confronting my neurological demons……
• and transcending my Aspergers and ADHD!

See you on the other side.

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#Aspergers and #ADHD

13 Nov 2012

by spectrumscribe in ADHD, Aspergers, Autism Tags: ADD, ADHD, ADHD diagnosis, Anxiety, Aspergers, Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, Autism ADHD comorbidity, Dr. Russell Barkley, Dysthymia, ODD

According to Dr. Russell Barkley, as many as 60% of Autistic people have ADHD.

I am one of them.

This set of  short video clips, captures the essence of my experience of ADHD.

If you have been touched by ADHD in any way, I hope you find this post helpful.

ADHD and Autism contrasted

See Video:

ADHD and comorbid disorders

See Video:

The ADHD and ODD connection

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ADHD diagnosis acceptance

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ADHD and family awareness

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ADHD is no gift

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#Aspergers and #Mindfulness

04 Nov 2012

by spectrumscribe in Aspergers, Autism Tags: anti-depressants, Anxiety, Aspergers, Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, Autistic, CBT, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Depression, Major Depression, Mindfulness, panic attack, self soothe

The Oxford English Dictionary describes mindfulness as follows:

A mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

I appear to have stumbled upon this during my recovery from Major Depression, since being diagnosed 9 weeks ago.

Discovering mindfulness

I discovered mindfulness during the week following my Depression diagnosis.

I described  my initial revelations about my lifelong pattern of absorbing the negative emotions of others and my tendency to assume responsibility for the negative emotions of others in Aspergers and Emotions, which I published in September.

This was followed by an account of my diagnosis, my condition leading up to diagnosis and my subsequent recovery, with the help of prescription anti-depressant medication in Aspergers and depression

Mindfulness – keep it simple

There is no shortage of books on the subject of mindfulness, but to date I have not read any of them.

I described my technique for cultivating and maintaining mindfulness in a tweet a few days ago:

1. Stop
2. Build in a pause
3. Breathe
4. Acknowledge anxiety, fear, panic etc BUT stay focused on your goal
5. Keep calm and carry on

Mindfulness in action

My anti-depressant medication lifted the fog and allowed me to see clearly again.

• It has also resulted in a more healthy and meaningful connection with my feelings

When a situation now arises that would previously have had me imploding in a panic attack, I have found myself questioning the situation like a logic puzzle.

• How were you feeling before this happened?
• What is the essence of the situation that now presents itself?
• Is there any reason why my happy, confident and optimistic feelings should be neutralized by this new situation?
• NO!
• In that case, deal with the situation analytically and continue, while nurturing the positive feelings

I have been enjoying considerable success with this technique WHEN I remember to control my impulses with reason and logic.

Sometimes I forget to do this, but I seem to be quickly noticing my forgetfulness, by being aware of my changing feelings when I am met by challenges.

The other day I found myself in a situation that would have sent me into a panic attack 2 months ago.

• I acknowledged the situation, analytically
• I prepared myself for what might be an emotional assault
• Even accepting that I might need to run for the Xanax bottle
• But my feelings were unshaken
• Not even a ripple of anxiety

Mindfulness does not eliminate stressful situations and encounters.

• In fact sometimes it’s quite an effort for me to ‘stick to the script’

But what I am finding is that mindfulness is getting easier to apply and is starting to become a habit.

Aspergers and mindfulness

I am actually finding my version of mindfulness quite natural and easy.

I find the process very Autistic!

• Analyzing the situation
• Monitoring my feelings
• Asking some logical questions
• Making a logical conclusion
• Acting on my logical conclusion

This is also the essence of Cognitive Behavior Therapy.

• Identifying negative/toxic/unhelpful thinking patterns
• Challenging those thoughts
• Modifying my thoughts
• Embracing and celebrating the empowerment and joyous impact on my feelings

The Aspergers/Mindfulness paradox

It is no small irony that the very condition that leads to anxiety and panic attacks, is also the basis of the remedy, at least in me. Giving me the capacity for that hitherto elusive ability to ‘self soothe’

Much like the maxim that opportunity is often found disguised as hard work.

Mindfulness – keep it simple

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#Aspergers and #depression – the silent predator!

27 Oct 2012

by spectrumscribe in Aspergers Tags: Advocacy, anti depressant medication, Anxiety, Aspergers, Aspergers Syndrome, health, humanity, medicine, mental health, paradox

25th Postcard from the Edge of the Spectrum

I went to an Ivy League school and even in middle age, I can still bench 220 without really breaking a sweat.

But 2 months ago I was diagnosed with Major Depression.

Hidden in plain view

Major Depression doesn’t happen over night.

It creeps up on you slowly until you are on the edge, looking over!

In my case it was also camouflaged by my decades long experience of Dystymia.

• Dysthymia is a minor form of Major Depression
• A low level of despair (to quote Jim Carrey)

I was as unaware of Major Depression as I was of having Aspergers, which I discovered only in my 40s!

I estimate that I had been suffering with Major Depression for at least a year.

• Perhaps as much as 2 years

I had pretty much come to a complete standstill, unable to think, in a state of inertia.

• I had lost my way
• Lost my purpose and my interest in the World
• Lost hope, lost my joy

I was apathy personified.

I was descending into hell.

Powerless

I finally realized that I was too far from the shore to swim back in.

So I made an appointment to see a Specialist.

• It didn’t take very long for her to arrive at the diagnosis
• But for the complete absence of suicidal thoughts I would have scored full diagnostic marks

I was a mess.

I have now been prescribed anti-depressant medication and was told that I will probably need a 6 month course.

• Seems this is the normal course duration, with this medication at least
• To restore my neurotransmitter balance

The healing paradox

My medication is taken at night as it has a powerful sedative effect, initially at least.

The morning after taking my first anti-depressant pill, I awoke to a strange feeling.

• I felt as if a great fog had lifted
• I felt happy, which was quite a novelty after more than a year of utter misery
• I was alert to the world around me
• I was BACK!

These feelings have continued, without setback and the drowsiness passed after the first week.

It seems clear that the first step towards healing was when I admitted to myself and my wife, that I was in a helpless state.

• Setting aside my ego allowed me to be receptive to healing and to help
• It also kick started my cognitive faculties

This also happens to be the first step to recovery for those who are addicted to alcohol and other substances.

Back in the saddle

My progress continued, at a rate that seemed to surprise my Doctor.

I was able to identify that my work was the main underlying cause of my depression!

• I explored what aspects of my work I enjoyed and those I did not
• What aspects of my work were unhelpful/destructive?
• I then set about analyzing what kind of work and corporate culture would be most suitable for me
• Leveraging my strengths, while mitigating/eliminating the burden of my weaknesses

I spent several days putting together an up to date resume before sending it out to carefully targeted companies.

I am now working with a new company where I get to fully employ my knowledge, skills and professional credentials but in a structure that makes it much easier for me to be organized and stay organized (my main weakness)

The underlying disorder

After a few weeks on anti-depressants, I found myself feeling much calmer and better able to concentrate.

So under the supervision of my Doctor:

• I have discontinued my ADHD medication
• I am no longer taking anxiety medication either

I had read that one of the causes of anxiety is depression.

• There are many other causes

So I wasn’t surprised that my general feeling of anxiety had lifted.

• What astonished me was the speed with which it lifted, without returning!
• It also seems that what I had been calling anxiety was actually panic attacks
• In addition to a general, lower level of anxiety of more or less permanent fight of flight mode!
• This was an utterly crippling condition to have to live with

The Question

I really don’t know how I managed to continue functioning for the year leading up to my diagnosis.

The question is not how could I have developed Major Depression or how could it go unnoticed for so long.

• The real question is how did I survive for so long without professional help?
• Or perhaps, as with my teen years, how did I survive at all?

A friend who had wrestled with his own demons, as a former combat soldier, told me what keeps him going.

‘I always want to see what’s on the other side of the next breath’

That’s a very simple statement but powerful statement and one that I can relate to very well.

Reboot

Somehow I managed to push my reset button.

• It began with ACKNOWLEDGING my depression
• Which meant I was open to healing
• I believed in my Doctor and believed in my medicine
• I started believing in myself again
• I have also begun a Cognitive training program
  • To help improve my concentration among other things and
  • To develop healthier thinking patterns

Epilogue

I have written this to help others who are suffering with depression.

Depression is especially common among those with Aspergers Syndrome.

No one is immune and depression is nothing to be ashamed of, any more than catching a cold is anything to be ashamed of!

If you have the strength to endure depression, you have the strength to take the first step toward recovery.

I would urge you to take that step and get some help, even if it’s just telling a friend or loved one about how you are feeling.

The Stand Up Kid

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I Exist!

28 Sep 2012

by spectrumscribe in Aspergers Tags: Anxiety, Aspergers, Autism, Autistic, despair, High School, long term memory, memory, Pat Metheny, The Truth will always be

I recall 8th Grade being my most torturous year in High School.

I would usually walk the few miles to school as I enjoyed the private time and it also gave me time to prepare for the horror of another day of confinement as well as the anxiety at the hands of my tormentors.

The dread built up slowly during my walk to school and became terror as I turned the corner and saw the school building.

As I have mentioned before, my memory of High school has a lot of gaps, in part because it was almost completely devoid of any positive social interaction

• I have been told by those who do have happy memories of High school, that it is time spent with friends that is often the most memorable

Yet my memories of 8th Grade are more vivid than any other High School year!

• I can recall the layout of the Home room, the color of the desks, the chalk boards and the smell of the timber framed building

Although immature for my age, typical for an Autistic kid, I had sufficient emotional awareness to realize that I had been utterly socially rejected by everyone in Grade 8.

I knew that I was despised, even hated by some, but I didn’t understand why. What had I done ‘wrong’? Was it my hair, was I too tall, too skinny, too clever?

Was I just ugly!?

I remember living out that school year in utter despair.

Although I never considered suicide as an option, it had occurred to me, as a thought experiment, that the pain of High School would perhaps stop if I was no longer alive.

But my survival instinct and curiosity always kept me waiting to see what was on the other side of the next breath.

There was also one brief part of every school day that I enjoyed, was alive to and enthusiastic about.

The Class register!

This was my lifeline. Once a day, every day, our Home room teacher would call out the class roll during registration.

I would sit at my desk in anticipation, barely able to contain my excitement in the certain knowledge that my name would be called out.

I had memorized the class register and would mentally recite, in time with our Home room teacher, the names of all the other children until, the sweetest sound of the school day;

MY NAME!

• I cannot properly describe the joy that I felt, hearing my name during roll-call every morning
• Because it was usually the only time during the school day when I would hear it spoken with any measure of civility

It was my one and only friendly greeting of the day, every morning.

It acknowledged that I was there.

It was proof that:

I EXIST!

Socially the school day went rapidly down hill from there, every single day.

But once a day, for a brief moment, I ‘belonged’ to something, anything, even if it was just administrative record keeping and an entry in a book.

• For that brief moment I was not a reject, not invisible, not an object
• I was Human, I was afforded dignity, I was acknowledged and I was an equal

Epilogue

Some Autistic people have unusual memories for facts and details and I am one of them.

I have remarkable recall for the tiniest of details from decades ago and yet I am regularly unable to find my keys or my wallet at home!

Although 8th Grade is now more than 30 years ago, I can still recite my Home room class register of over 30 names as easily as I can recite the alphabet.

I am unable to do this for any other Grade, just Grade 8, which I think is an indication of how much of a lifeline that early morning, Grade 8 class roll-call was for me.

That daily early morning  High school ritual, in which I heard the sweet sound of my name, has remained locked in my long term memory.

It is my eternal reminder that in the depths of my utter despair in High school -

I EXISTED!

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Original Page: http://postcardsfromtheedgeofthespectrum.wordpress.com/tag/anxiety/

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The ASD Family: Feeling Our Differences by @AspieWriter #AutismAid

The ASD Family: Feeling Our Differences

aspiewriter.com | Nov 27th 2012

I read somewhere that the first thing a parent with children on the autism spectrum realizes is that other families do not go through the same struggles with their children as we do. We see other families in the supermarkets, the parks, and at school, and they do not seem to struggle the way we do. The relief of the diagnosis is that we now at last know why, we have a reason; it is not just bad parenting.
That realization goes double for the parent of the ASD child, who is on the spectrum herself. I naturally assume that other people go through the same things that I do. I never considered they were experiencing their lives differently. I just assumed the problem was me. I was a terrible mother—my children were undisciplined because of my parenting.
I could not keep up, and it was MY FAULT.
I was peripherally aware that others seemed to be doing better than me, that other children were calmer and more behaved. Because I do not socialize with other parents, and my friends and family live 600 miles away I live fairly isolated. The isolation has sheltered me somewhat from really feeling the difference between my family and other’s.
My brother stayed at our house with my two year old niece over the Thanksgiving weekend. She is a beautiful, calm little princess that I love dearly. We spent the days playing and giggling, and on Friday we drove down to the beach and put our little ones on amusement park rides.
Over this past weekend I really felt our differences. My niece napped, she didn’t bang her head and flail around for hours. She sat and ate her meals, while my son (6 months younger) screamed, threw things, and tried to run away.
My eight year old had multiple meltdowns due to the overstimulation of the holidays and extra people in the house. Aspie Teen become Hyper-Aspie Teen because he was excited about having family over for the holidays, and had difficulty being appropriate in adult conversations.
My niece was happy and smiling riding the amusement park rides, while my little one screamed, climbed out and ran away. Then of course, he wanted Mom, who was riding and began screaming and shaking the gates around the rides to get to me.
Although I had a great weekend, it was incredibly exhausting, and at times very lonely even amidst a group of people. For the first time, I felt very acutely our family’s differences. Feeling the differences made me aware of the people around us, their scolding looks, and the comments like, “we would nip that right in the bud,” when our children had an eye-raising reaction to the stimuli around them.
No—they would not, they could not, not if they lived in our family.
When was the first time you FELT the differences? Do outings with friends or holiday gatherings with family make you feel it more?

Original Page: http://www.aspiewriter.com/2012/11/the-asd-family-feeling-our-differences.html

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Acting The Part by @AspieWriter #AutismAid

Acting The Part

aspiewriter.wordpress.com | Nov 26th 2012

By the time I was nearing the end of elementary school, I had learned how to live by a script. I learned by watching television, by looking at magazines, and by reading books. In the fourth grade, I learned about my having a period by reading “Are you there God, It’s me Margaret”, by Judy Blume. I read, and re-read that book many times during the fourth and fifth grades.  Margaret became one of my best friends.

“I love my books; all my friends live in there!” ~Me

My friends often lived inside my books, and the television set. I imagined interactions with the characters, and tried to think of what they would say in different situations.  Every interaction was played out in my head before it happened—if I could foresee an event.

For instance if I were to contemplate asking a friend to come over to our house to play, I would have the conversation over and over again in my head before approaching the girl. Many times my own words sounded stupid when I played them and I decided not to offer an invite.

After an interaction, I’d replay the scene hundreds of times judging if I sounded “stupid”. I imagined what could have happened if I said this or that, often berating myself for saying the wrong thing.  My voice, my words were usually wrong so I tried to become other people, to take on other personas.

I tried to be the beautiful model in the picture hanging on the wall of the hair salon. If I could be her then all the girls would want to be my friend. This particular model had extremely short hair, shaved in the back with longer waves on top. The kind of hair you can only get from having professional stylists work on it for hours before a photo shoot, which is something I failed to understand at the time.

I wanted to be her, I wanted that haircut, and so my mother allowed the hairdresser to cut my hair short—very short.

I didn’t look like the model, in fact, I looked like a boy! I of course was unaware of this fact until I went to school the next day.

In the fourth grade a boy’s haircut does not a popular girl make, so I had my ears pierced. For sure now with pretty studded earrings I could not look like a boy, but at school my pretty ears did nothing to detract from my head.

Pretending to be someone else became an obsession. I watched my grandmother’s stories (soap operas) and picked out characters to emulate—definitely not the best role models. When I found out that they were just actors and actresses playing a part, with a script, I knew I needed to be an actress.  I could do a script, and I was already used to dancing on stage so this would be a cinch.

Scripts are just like dance routines, they were choreographed for you and as long as you follow the script you are doing it right.

Anything I want to do, I want to do perfectly. People often tell me that practice makes perfect, but that is not true.

“Perfect practices makes perfect.”

If you routinely practice something the wrong way, you will always do it that way. The only way to achieve perfection is to practice perfectly. I afforded myself no room for error—ever.

I knew nothing about acting so the logical thing to do was to go to acting school.  Vanessa and I convinced our mother’s to sign us up for an acting school in Manhattan.

There was an audition to be accepted. We created our own Toys R Us commercial to include acting, dancing, and singing—it was mostly dancing and singing. We practiced until we had every step and every word down perfectly.

I remember riding the train to the city, excited that I was going to be an actress. The possibility of this not happening, never crossed my mind.

The audition went well and we were accepted. Vanessa and I spent many hours learning how to act, and for the most part it was an exciting and fun experience. The problem happened when one day we were given no scripts—improvisation.

Our assignment was to perform a simple silent skit, no words, and no props of any kind. I felt the ball bouncing around in my stomach, the tears welling up in my eyes. My insides felt like they were shaking; panic was setting in.

I could not do it—I wound up acting out the task of making macaroni and cheese in my kitchen.  It was the disaster that ending my acting school career.

Although I continued to try to adopt different personas looking for a person that I could be, I was not very good at the task. I was able to adopt a precious few, but had tremendous difficulty switching between them, rearing from the carefully constructed script. Not all personas work in every situation.

Original Page: http://aspiewriter.wordpress.com/2012/11/26/acting-the-part/

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(Un)Disclosing Autism in the Workplace by @AspieKid #AutiismAid

(Un)Disclosing Autism in the Workplace

by AspieKid, aspiekid.net
October 21st 2012
I was bullied a lot during several periods of my childhood. I had no idea why. I never did anything to any of those people. None of them had anything to prove to me. Many of them didn’t even know me. And I used to wonder and worry about it so much. It was like they were intentionally trying to ruin my childhood. Childhood is such an important time in a person’s life, and mine was mostly destroyed by people who had less interest in living their own lives than ruining mine. I often wonder how I would have turned out if I had been allowed to have a happy and peaceful childhood. I’ll never know.

And it wasn’t just the bullies. Everyone in my life seemed to be in on the conspiracy. My parents forced me to go to school, under the pretext that I was getting an education there. But I never felt like I learned much in such an environment. My teachers thought I was weird and looked the other way when kids picked on me, even when they became physically violent with me. Nobody cared. I was on my own. And if I ever fought back, then I was the one accused of being the violent person. I had no one I could turn to and nobody, not even my parents, seemed to care or even believe me. It caused a lot of confusion and mental anguish.

As an adult, I often think back to those times, trying to somehow understand it all. Why did it happen? What did those kids get out of doing all that stuff to me? Are they in better positions in life because they bullied me when we were all kids? I still don’t get it. But I understand society better now than I did when I was a kid and I think it is partly because of societal competition. People pick on the most vulnerable, so they can legitimize their position in the social hierarchy. I never understood why we need a social hierarchy at all. Societal competition is a product of the neurotypical world. I never wanted anything to do with it.

Workplaces are just like schools. Everybody competes to make it to the top. I never watch TV, but my brother tells me about a show called Survivor. Have you heard of it? I know nothing about it. But it sounds exactly the way most schools and workplaces seem to me. I don’t feel like autistics are a problem in society at all. I feel like it is the cutthroat dog-eat-dog neurotypical part of society that is the real problem. As a matter of fact, I honestly believe that neurotypical behavior will some day drive the human species to extinction. Not to generalize too much, because I have had some great neurotypical friends. But unfortunately the nice neurotypicals do not represent the majority, at least not in the United States where I live. The workplace setting seems no better than the schools where people were free to bully me with impunity. Most people delude themselves into thinking they have matured and grown up, but most of them are no more mature than they were when they were 8. Who are they trying to fool?

I found a way to make it through all of that somehow. I figured out how to find my own little corner in most workplaces where I can be productive and earn a little income. I see all of the competition in the workplaces and I am careful to stay out of it. I don’t want to revisit the events of my childhood, especially not now that it is my career. Decades after all of that happened to me, I still live with the confusion from it. I still know that there are people out there who committed crimes against me who will never be brought to justice. I know what it is like to be a Jew growing up in a society of Nazis. The people who say that competition is somehow good for society are, quite frankly, insane. Societies collapse because of competition. Societies thrive when there is cooperation. As long as we insist on having this highly competitive society, then I will insist that I be left out of it.

A few months ago, only a couple of miles from where I live, a guy walked into a movie theater and started shooting people. He hasn’t been cooperating with the investigators and has refused to discuss his motive. But we do know that he was in a PhD program at one of the most competitive universities in the United States, had failed an important exam and dropped out of the program. Is this what competition does to people? When our society forces people to prove they are better than others and puts their career, their means of survival on the line if they fail, isn’t society partly to blame for these events? And one irresponsible and unprofessional journalist, whose disgraced name is not worth mentioning here, had the nerve to suggest that the shooter must have been autistic. Even after such a tragedy, a neurotypical journalist had the nerve to exploit the shooting in order to wage more war against autistics. Hatred prevails. The war never ends.

I don’t want to be a part of that war anymore. I don’t want to be one of the people on Survivor. Anything I say in a workplace can and will be used against me. So I exercise my right to remain silent. After a statement is made, there is no way to take it back. The cat is out of the bag at that point. Rumors spread. People gain each other’s trust only to stab each other in the back. I’ve seen it happen many times. People in my industry talk to each other. They pass information from recruiter to recruiter. How could I ever deal with the fallout from telling coworkers or a boss that I am on the autism spectrum? I would have no way to control it. And everyone is looking for a way to climb on top of each other so they can get ahead. Some of them will destroy your life just to prove they can do it. I don’t need any more of that. I don’t want to give people ammunition they can use against me. I would rather be left out of the societal war. So I remain a closet autistic in the workplace.

Autism acceptance is up to neurotypicals. It is not something that autistics should have to beg for. Neurotypical behavior and attitudes have to change. Not the other way around.

Original Page: http://www.aspiekid.net/2012/10/discosing-autism-in-the-workplace/

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True friends by @Aspienaut || AutismAid

True friends

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Excitement, Impatience and Waiting by @EmmasHopeBook

Excitement, Impatience and Waiting

emmashopebook.com | Nov 26th 2012

The day before Thanksgiving a facilitator, P. came over to work with Emma.  I met P. at the AutCom Conference in October and asked him for some guidance in helping Emma communicate more effectively through typing.  And while Emma is verbal, she can voice basic desires, has even begun to comment on things going on around her, she has not communicated more complex thoughts.  I know Emma is intelligent with a great many ideas and interests.  I want to help her express herself in whatever way proves most advantageous, whether that is verbally, through typing or some other, still unknown, way.   I want to help her be a full participant in this world so that she can have choices and options available to her.

P. has facilitated people for several decades, so I felt confident he would be able to help me learn how I can help Emma better and was excited to have him work directly with her while I watched.  We started with a number of apps, Emma had no trouble pointing, using her index finger to match words with images that she knows.  But in the past when it comes to typing an idea, Em will usually type, “yes” or “no” and then repeat the question, which is what she was taught to do with her most recent literacy program.  I am hoping Emma can be encouraged to move beyond that.

As P. worked with her, slowing her down so she couldn’t simply repeat what had been asked, holding her arm at the elbow, putting up some resistance to her desire to type quickly, reminding her to write what she was thinking, asking if that’s what she meant, I felt tremendous hope.  P. asked Em to bring a book she liked.  She brought him a collection of fairy tales and plopped the large book on the table in front of him.  Em chose to discuss Goldilocks and the three bears.  Most of what was typed were fairly simple ideas about the bears and Goldilocks and the havoc Goldilocks causes (much to Em’s delight.)  But then P. asked Em what she would do if she went into her own bedroom and found baby bear in her bed, Em typed, “I would be scared and I would watch his mother.”

I read that sentence several times.  How can I describe the feelings that came with reading it?  How can I express the surge of hope I felt?  How can I possibly describe the feeling of euphoria?  This sentence, this idea was beyond what I have come to expect.  It suggested a whole other level of thinking, a thought process far beyond anything she has been able to express before.  It was a terrific idea, one I have discussed with both children during the summer months when we visit my mother in Colorado where we often see bears.  I have warned the children that if they encounter a bear, especially a mother with her cubs, to not get between them, to keep their distance, to keep their eye on the mother and to make loud noises.

But Emma wasn’t finished.  She then typed, “By the way, this is a very sad story.”  I was astonished.  I had a million questions.  Emma has never spoken this way.  Ever.  ”By the way” is something both Richard and I say, both in jest as well as seriously.   Em has never uttered these words, let alone typed them.  And why does she think it’s a “sad story”?  What strikes her as sad?  Which part or does she think the whole thing is sad?  It is sad, I thought and then I Immediately went to,  I have to become trained in facilitated communication.  I have to find a way to communicate like this with Emma.  As I am not able to become trained in facilitated communication in the next 24 hours, I made an appointment to Skype with P. in another week, which feels like an eternity, and will try to do whatever I can to continue to learn so that I am better able to help my daughter become an independent communicator.

Between now and that Skype call, I am doing my best to manage my impatience, my excitement, my hopes and dreams and the reality that my daughter has a great deal to say and boy do I want to hear it all!

Em & P.

Original Page: http://emmashopebook.com/2012/11/26/excitement-impatience-and-waiting/

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The Secrets of Understanding Body Language by @SteveBorgman

The Secrets of Understanding Body Language

by Stephen Borgman, myaspergers.net
November 30th -0001

Daniel Wendler was depressed, lonely, and anxious around other people.

The he was diagnosed with Aspergers.

Instead of being upset, he was elated!

I spent the next ten years reading books on social interaction, talking to relationship experts, seeking advice everywhere I could and applying my new social skills with everyone I met. My study paid off. I grew from a lonely, bullied boy to a confident, charismatic man. Relationships, which were once a source of fear and stress for me, are now the most important part of my life, and I love meeting new people.   Source: Improve Your Social Skills.

Be Like Sherlock Holmes and You’ll Unlock The Secrets of Understanding Body Language

It’s true.  Sherlock Holmes had a keen mind that set him apart from the average detective.  However, he pointed out to his assistant, Watson, that most people “see, but do not observe.”

Joe Navarro, author of What EveryBody Is Saying, assures his readers that they can learn to understand body language.

It’s not easy.  But it is possible.

Decide and commit to become  a student of non-verbal communication.

According to Dr. Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, those who can effectively read and interpret nonverbal communication, and manage how others perceive them, will enjoy greater success in life than people who lack this skill.

Here are some assorted “secrets” to understanding body language:

Body Language Is  A Big Deal

Nonverbal communication, often referred to as nonverbal behavior or body language, is a means of transmitting information – just like the spoken work – except it is achieved through facial expressions, gestures, touching (haptics), physical movements (kinesics), posture, body adornment (clothes, jewelry, hairstyle, tattoos, etc), and even the tone, timbre, and vloume of an individual’s voice (rather than spoken content).  Nonverbal behaviors compreis appximately 60-65 percent of all interpersonal communication. ~Joe Navarro, What EveryBody Is Saying.

Eyes and Eyebrows Signal Like or Dislike

An arch of the eyebrows indicates a genuine expression of like.

On the other hand, a person who squints his eyes is demonstrating eye-blocking.  Eye-blocking  is a nonverbal behavior that can occur when we featl threatened and/or don’t like what we see.  This can include squinting, and closing or shielding our eyes to protect the brain from seeing undesirable images and to communicate our disdain toward others.

Pursing of the Lips Often Signals Disagreement

Joe Navarro consulted with a business client who was negotiating an expensive contract with another client.  Whenever Joe noticed the other client pursing his lips, he would nudge his client so that the client could stop and ask more questions to hammer out possible objections in the contract.  By clearing up these possible areas of disagreement, Mr. Navarro calculates he saved his client 3.5 million dollars!

Calm Versus Stressed

A calm face will show relaxed eyes and full lips.

A stressed face is tense and slightly contorted, eyebrows are knitted, and the forehead is furrowed.

Study YouTube, movies, and people in public.

Be aware that not all YouTube videos come from the best sources.  However, you can find some helpful resources like  Gestures and Body Language Tutorial (free), and the Seven Universal Facial Expressions.

LinguiSystems, a speech and language therapy resource site, has some helpful resources for helping people with autism better understand non-verbal expressions.

Watch movies and study expressions.  Perhaps watch with someone not on the spectrum so that you can ask questions and absorb the knowledge that way.

Observe your non-Aspergers friends and family to get a better understanding of their particular body language.

The Definitive Book of Body Language is another well rated book by over 200 reviewers.  (I’ll admit I haven’t read this one).  It appears to be even more comprehensive than Mr. Navarro’s book.

Finally, here are three articles I found helpful:

Understanding Body Language; Body Language; and How To Read Body Language

What are some of your challenges, solutions, and resources for better understanding body language?

Image credit: elnur / 123RF Stock Photo

Original Page: http://www.myaspergers.net/the-secrets-of-understanding-body-language/

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Tiny Island || AutismAid

Tiny Island

by Matt, dudeimanaspie.com
November 1st 2012
Today is the 3rd Annual Autistics Speaking Day. It also marks my third year of writing about autism. I have much to be thankful for this past year: the chance to create an animated short, to travel with the Juniper Hill crew, and to publish my second book. I am glad many of you continue to come here for laughs and insight. But often, when living with autism, there are no laughs or insight. The reality is that my daily life remains dominated by my inability to understand and coexist with other people.

I prefer to feel in control of my environment, and other people introduce chaos into it. They disrupt my equilibrium. They pop in and out, as it meets their needs and not mine. They are too fast, and too loud. Other autistic people are no easier for me to deal with than NT's. People irritate me. Or perhaps I irritate myself through my own discomfort and inability to articulate myself. Regardless, I find I deal best with others at a safe distance.

Most of my time is spent at the office or at home. I’m good at my job, and autism is a big reason for that. My work requires perfect accuracy, and perfection is what I deliver. I have a purpose in the workplace. I’ve learned the structure and I excel within it. It’s a foreign tongue sometimes, one that speaks with Important Words, like pursuant, and execute, and the delta, but I’ve become conversant in the language. I assimilate to ensure my survival.

Autistic people have no choice but to assimilate. Yet, we also desire to withdraw to our comfort zone, where we feel in control. This internal conflict threatens to drive us out of our minds, as Adam Bailey describes in a piece called Islands.

Our islands are awesome, but only to us. An island cannot simply fit into a school or workplace setting. Most others cannot feel comfortable on our islands, because it is so odd there. We cannot feel comfortable leaving our islands for very long, because it is so odd outside them.

It takes a perfect balance all the time in order to get by, and as soon as we stop working as hard, things get really difficult really quick.

Maybe in the workplace, assimilation is easier, because I have a clearly defined role. Maybe those of you who share a household also find it a comfortable fit, within easily definable parameters. But outside of familiar environments, there are simply too many unknowns. At times, sanity demands avoiding such uncertainty.

Leo Kottke sings in his song, “Tiny Island,”

I wish I had a tiny island floating in the sea.
Palm trees sway, don't get in the way, it's a tropical ease.
And everywhere that I keep my silence, no sound returns to me.
Just endless waves at the end of our days, the sighing of the seas.

Given the option, I believe I would cast off the civilized life for my own tiny island. I find solitude the most comfortable state, and increasingly, my lifestyle leaves no room for others.

I’ve grown less hopeful about autism acceptance by the greater community. I know the world will not change for me. So I have fewer laughs and insights to share with you in this space. A few successes doesn't make it easier to navigate a daily existence that drifts from mundane to chaotic. As Adam says, this is how I am, the real-life me. Man wasn’t meant to live on his own tiny island. So why does it seem so enticing?

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Original Page: http://www.dudeimanaspie.com/2012/11/tiny-island.html

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Battling #Aspergers and #ADHD at work by @SpectrumScribe

Battling #Aspergers and #ADHD at work

by spectrumscribe, postcardsfromtheedgeofthespectrum.wordpress.com
November 30th -0001

by in ADHD, Autism Tags: ADHD, Anxiety, Aspergers, Autism, Courage, Mindfulness, neurological, stress, work pressure

I changed jobs a few months back and what I knew would be a significant challenge has been more of a battle and for much of the time!

I’ve been forced into confronting my severe ADHD and Aspergers on a daily basis and my journey thus far has been painful.

• The pressure and anxiety have, at times, has been crippling
• But I’m still on track
• In uncharted waters!

The prize for overcoming these battles is the dream that I have cherished since my youth.

But in order to cross the finish line I will need to reach far beyond the limits of my neurological impairments.

• This is going to draw on skills that in some cases I will be accessing for the first time
• As well as all of the mindfulness I can muster

To achieve this leaves me but one course of action.

I’m gonna to have to really suck it up

• finally confronting my neurological demons……
• and transcending my Aspergers and ADHD!

See you on the other side.

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Original Page: http://postcardsfromtheedgeofthespectrum.wordpress.com/2012/11/27/battling-aspergers-and-adhd/

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Guest Post: Blurring the Lines Between Hacktivism and Terrorism

by John Little, blogsofwar.com
November 26th 2012 9:02 AM

Dr. Clint Arizmendi is a Research & Analysis Officer at the Land Warfare Studies Centre. The views expressed are his own and do not reflect those of the Australian Department of Defence or the Australian Government.

As the IDF and Hamas conflict unfolded, observers witnessed more than the world’s first ‘Twitter war’, they witnessed the widening of the conflict to include the participation of unsanctioned non-state cyber actors (UNCAs), who not only aided, but also interfered with – and obstructed – Israeli and Hamas operations in the name of hactivism. Are such hacktivists performing a public service, committing a crime, or have they crossed a cyber line into terrorism?

Aside from the traditional method of using kinetic force to shape the battlespace by way of precision strikes, the IDF also used a variety of social media platforms to simultaneously deter Hamas and reassure the global audience that terrorists were the only target. Techniques used range from live video of the killing of a high-ranking Hamas official to realtime tweeting of events as they unfolded. Likewise, Hamas disseminated video of a downed Israeli drone and evidence of their Iranian-made long-range rockets reaching Tel Aviv, thus highlighting the importance and significance of establishing – and sustaining – a ‘positive’ social presence.

The use of social media as a key element of information operations (IO) is not new – the US run Sabahi website in the Horn of Africa and the now controversial attempt by the US embassy in Cairo to de-escalate tension via Twitter during the attack in Libya serve as prime examples. For the IDF, presumably, the use of social media was a calculated strategy to prevent a repeat of the negative global press after their 2006 campaign.

As the conflict in Gaza shifted back-and-forth from the conventional and information realm to the cyber realm, the opportunity for UNCAs to influence the digital battlespace increased significantly, making it a particularly risky venture for both Israelis and Hamas. Here, UNCAs had a realtime effect on conflict, notably with regard to hacktivists such as The J35st3r and Anonymous – the former supporting Israel by disrupting Hamas websites and the latter supporting the Palestinians, having declared cyber-war on Israel.

While Israeli officials claim that only one of the 44 million cyber attacks on its government websites was successful during Operation Pillar of Defense against Hamas, Anonymous claimed more than 600 successful cyber attacks against both public and private Israeli websites. As an unintended consequence of its attempt to use social media to shape the battlespace, Israel’s campaign against terrorism became more complex; they were simultaneously fighting a physical and IO war against Hamas and a cyber war against Anonymous.

Although Anonymous – as an UNCA collective – chose to support Hamas as an expression of humanitarian concern, Hamas is considered a terrorist organisation by not only Israel, but also the EU, the USA, Canada, Japan and Jordan. Australia considers the military wing as such. The question now is whether Anonymous is also a terrorist organisation – or a supporter of a terrorist organisation – by association.

If Anonymous members who engaged in the ‘war’ against Israel reside in one of the countries listed above, then there is domestic terrorism legislation that can be brought to bear to regulate such behaviour. If however, they reside in a country such as Turkey, Norway or Russia, none of whom classify Hamas a terrorist organisation, then – at best – they are engaging in cyber crime.

The status of hacktivists engaging in such attacks can be considered analogous to the legal confusion surrounding the ‘combatant’ status of many Guantanamo Bay detainees. Are the Anonymous collective hacktivists, cyber combatants or criminals? Arguably, it depends from where they conduct their activities (assuming, of course, that this information can be determined).

Further complicating the matter is the potential for these ostensibly unsanctioned non-state cyber actors to be sponsored by the party that benefits from their activities. It is by no means beyond the realms of possibility for elements operating within the Anonymous collective to have received financial or technical support from Hamas or its supporters. Likewise, is it too much of a stretch that The J35st3r might be this century’s answer to the state-sponsored, deniable ‘black’ operatives of the Cold War?

Anonymous has formally recognised the Gaza ceasefire and declared mission success in Operation Israel, while Hamas has declared a national holiday of victory. Whether there is a way to actually measure the affect that Anonymous and The J35st3r had upon the conflict remains to be seen; however, one thing is for certain: the use of social media and the cyber realm for war represents the risk of direct external influence – if not obstruction – from UNCAs as they blur the lines between hactivism and terrorism.

Update from Blogs of War
@th3j35t3r, who describes himself as a “Hacktivist for good. Obstructing the lines of communication for terrorists, sympathizers, fixers, facilitators, oppressive regimes and other general bad guys” contacted Blogs of War on Twitter after this post was published. I am posting screenshots of his private feedback with his permission:

You can learn more on his blog.

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Traumatic brain injury (TBI) is becoming a common wound of modern warfare. It has even been coined the “signature wound” of the War on Terror. While TBI is becoming more prevalent in wartime activity, many service men and women continue...

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Original Page: http://blogsofwar.com/2012/11/26/guest-post-blurring-the-lines-between-hacktivism-and-terrorism/

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Nasa's 2013 solar flare warning: how much do we need to worry?

by Tom Chivers, blogs.telegraph.co.uk
June 16th 2010

See Video: http://player.ooyala.com/player.swf?keepEmbedCode=true&autoplay=0&emb...

So, do we really need to worry about a huge solar storm burning out the electrical systems of half the world in 2013? Masochists that we are here at the Telegraph, we love to shoot down our own stories, and I was cracking my knuckles for this one. It's got all the ingredients – white-coated authority, grave warnings of impending doom, exciting sciencey nuclear nemesis in space. NASA! Solar flares! Planes falling out of the sky! Etc.

But I read the piece, and spoke to the reporter, and – while always remembering that I am no more an astrophysicist than I am a black belt in tae kwon do – it sounded pretty solid. Dr Richard Fisher, the director of Nasa's Heliophysics division, is very clear in the quotes, and our reporter, Andrew Hough, was very careful to check his facts with Dr Fisher before publishing. It sounds like a lot of serious people think that this is a real danger.

Apparently the concern is in 2013, the sun will reach a stage of its cycle when these large events are more likely. This might strike you as a bit strange, as you've probably heard (as have I) that the sun has been especially active for the last half-century or so and is expected to die down in the next couple of years – I spoke to Marcus Chown, the physicist and author of We Need to Talk about Kelvin, who said "Solar activity has been abnormally high for the past 50 years, but the extremely feeble start to the latest 11-year cycle suggests this activity is coming to an end and things are going to be quiet on the Sun for quite a few years." Dr Ruth Bamford, a plasma physicist at the Rutherford-Appleton Laboratory, agrees:  "The sun has been particularly quiet for the last few years in a protracted solar minimum. It has just woken up, as it were, and started its usual 11-year cycle a bit later than most."

So what's going on? Well, something similar has happened before. In 1859 a huge solar storm burned out telegraph wires across Europe and the United States. Dr Stuart Clark has written a book, The Sun Kings, about when that happened. He says that the "Carrington flare", as it was known, "smothered two-thirds of the Earth’s skies in a blood-red aurora a night later, and crippled all of global navigation and global communication, such as it was at that time.  Compasses span uselessly and the telegraph network went down as phantom electricity surged through the wire."

The sun had indeed been running at a record high for the latter half of the 20th century, and has now died down to its lowest level for a century. But Dr Clark warns that "average levels of solar activity has fallen does not mean that the Sun is immune from large flares or even giant ones. Low average levels of activity may even promote the giant flares.

"Perhaps like earthquakes, when there are constant flares/tremors the energy is dissipated evenly over long periods of time. But in periods of quiet, that energy can build up and then suddenly be released in a giant event. This remains speculation, however."

2013 is when the next peak in the sun's cycle of activity is expected, and while we cannot predict individual flares, Dr Clark says that the largest flares are often shortly after the peak.

Of course, if a proper "Carrington event" happens again, it has the potential to be far more problematic now than in 1859 when electric communication was barely in its infancy. Dr Clark says "There is absolutely no reason to believe that we are heading for solar armageddon in 2013, but sooner or later we should expect there to be another Carrington event and that is what these scientists [at NASA] are trying to prevent. Legislation in the US has just passed Congress to help harden the grid against solar flares."

So – it's a real thing, and we should be concerned. But preventive measures can be taken – satellites can be sent offline during big flares, power grids and communication networks can be shielded against electromagnetic radiation and so on. As Dr Bamford says: "The extreme events like the 1859 Carrington Event  are 1-in-100-year probabilities, about the same probability as a storm of the level of Katrina  hitting New Orleans – and New Orleans did not build their defences to withstand the extreme-but-unlikely magnitude. 100 years isn’t that long.

"But the end of the world it is not. Maybe as disruptive as an ash cloud, but not as protracted I’m sure." She gives examples of precautions, like a GPS backup system called eLoran, or active mini-magnetosphere shielding for astronauts and satellites that her team have designed.

Of course, if those precautions are taken, and actually work, and no damage is done, then everyone will cry that it was all a big fuss over nothing, like they always do. So the scientists can't win, really. But that's just how it is.

Edit: Dr Ruth Bamford got in touch, with a few extended quotes and clarifying her thoughts and her job description. Have changed accordingly.

Original Page: http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tomchivers/100008500/nasas-2013-solar-flare-warning-how-much-do-we-need-to-worry/

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