George Carlin and the Electronic Shocker Bracelets for Airline Passengers
Of course there is no connection between what CBS News is talking about right now and what the late great comedian said. But his words are really prophetic:
“As far as I’m concerned, all of this airport security – the cameras, the questions, the screening, the searches, is just one more way of reducing your liberty and reminding you they can fuck with you anytime they want, as long as you’re willing to put up with it. Which means, of course, anytime they want. Because that’s the way Americans are now. They’re always willing to trade away a little of their freedom for the feeling – the illusion – of security.”
Which means, of course, anytime they want. Because that’s the way Americans are now. They’re always willing to trade away a little of their freedom for the feeling – the illusion – of security. You have got to be realistic about terrorism. Ya gotta be a realist: Certain groups of people – muslim fundamentalists, christian fundamentalists, jewish fundamentalists, and just plain guys from Montana – are going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time. That’s the reality. Angry men in combat fatigues talking to god on a two-way radio and muttering incoherent slogans about freedom are eventually going to provide us with a great deal of entertainment.Fear and Flying (late 1990s) I’m getting tired of the security at the airport. I’m tired of someone with a double-digit IQ and a triple-digit income rootin’ around in my bag for no reason and never finding anything. Haven’t found anything yet. Haven’t found one bomb in one bag. …. The whole thing is fuckin’ pointless. And it’s completely without logic. They’ll take away a gun but let you keep a knife. Well, what the fuck is that? In fact, there’s a whole list of lethal objects they allow you to take on board. Theoretically, you could take a knife, an icepick, a hatchet, a straight razor, a pair of scissors, a chain saw, six knitting needles, and a broken whiskey bottle, and the only thing they would say to you is, “That bag has to fit all the way under the seat in front of you.” And if you didn’t take a weapon on board, relax. After you’ve been flying about an hour, they’re gonna bring you a knife and fork! They actually give you a fucking knife. It’s only a table knife, but you could kill a pilot with a table knife. It might take a couple of minutes. Especially if he’s hefty. But you could get the job done. If you really wanted to kill the prick. Shit, there are a lot of things you could use to kill a guy. You could probably beat a guy to death with the Sunday New York Times, couldn’t you? Suppose you just have really big hands? Couldn’t you strangle a flight attendant? Shit, you could probably strangle two of them, one with each hand. That is, if you were lucky enough to catch ‘em in that little kitchen area. Just before they break out the fuckin’ peanuts. But you could get the job done. If you really cared enough. So why is it they allow a man with big, powerful hands to get on board an airplane? I’ll tell you why. They know he’s not a security risk, because he’s already answered the three big questions. Question number one: “Did you pack your bags yourself?” “No, Carrot Top packed my bags. He and Martha Stewart and Florence Henderson came over to my house last night, fixed me a lovely lobster Newburg, gave me a full body massage with sacred oils from India, performed a four-way around-the-world and then packed my bags. Next question.” “Have your bags been in your possession the whole time?” “No. Usually the night before I travel – just as the moon is rising – I place my suitcases out on the streetcorner and leave them there, unattended, for several hours. Just for good luck. Next question.” “Has any unknown person asked you to take anything on board?” “Well, what exactly is an ‘unknown person’? Surely everyone is known to someone. In fact, just this morning, Kareem and Yousuf Ali ben Gabba seemed to know each other quite well. They kept joking about which one of my suitcases was the heaviest.” And that’s another thing they don’t like at the airport. Jokes. You can’t joke about a bomb. Well, why is it just jokes? What about a riddle? How about a limerick? How about a bomb anecdote? You know, no punch line, just a really cute story. Or suppose you intended the remark not as a joke but as an ironic musing? Are they prepared to make that distinction? I think not! And besides, who’s to say what’s funny? Airport security is a stupid idea. It’s a waste of money and it’s there for only one reason: to make white people feel safe. That’s all it’s for. To provide a feeling, an illusion, of safety in order to placate the middle class. The authorities know they can’t make airplanes safe; Too many people have access. You’ll notice that drug smugglers don’t seem to have a lot of trouble getting their little packages on board, do they? No. And God bless them, too. And by the way, an airplane flight shouldn’t be completely safe. You need a little danger in your life. Take a fuckin’ chance, will ya? What are you gonna do, play with your prick for another 30 years? Are you gonna read People and eat at Wendy’s till the end of time? Take a fuckin’ chance! Besides, even if they made all of the airplanes completely safe, the terrorists would simply start bombing other places that are crowded: pawnshops, crackhouses, titty bars, and gang bangs. You know, entertainment venues. The odds of your being killed by a terrorist are practically zero. So I say, relax and enjoy the show. You have got to be realistic about terrorism. Ya gotta be a realist: Certain groups of people – muslim fundamentalists, christian fundamentalists, jewish fundamentalists, and just plain guys from Montana – are going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time. That’s the reality. Angry men in combat fatigues talking to god on a two-way radio and muttering incoherent slogans about freedom are eventually going to provide us with a great deal of entertainment. Especially after your stupid fuckin’ economy collapses all around you, and the terrorists come out of the woodwork. And you’ll have anthrax in the water supply and sarin gas in the air conditioners; There’ll be chemical and biological suitcase bombs in every city, and I say, “Relax, enjoy it! Enjoy the show! Take a fuckin’ chance. Put a little fun in your life.” …. But I also know that most Americans are soft, frightened, unimaginative people who have no idea there’s such a thing as dangerous fun. And they certainly don’t recognize good entertainment when they see it. I have always been willing to put myself at great personal risk for the sake of entertainment. And I’ve always been willing to put you at great personal risk for the same reason. As far as I’m concerned, all of this airport security – the cameras, the questions, the screening, the searches, is just one more way of reducing your liberty and reminding you they can fuck with you anytime they want, as long as you’re willing to put up with it. Which means, of course, anytime they want. Because that’s the way Americans are now. They’re always willing to trade away a little of their freedom for the feeling – the illusion – of security.
Here is another episode with George which is really funny about how we are not paying attention to who needs our attention the most, while allowing those with more wealth than ours to treat us any which way they like:
So in case you still think there is a need to have 100 percent security at all times, consider the following:
Feel safe now?
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