Incompatibility between our big aspirations and the reality of life is bound to disappoint unless we learn to be a bit more gloomy, says Alain de Botton.
Today I want to advance the unusual idea that we'd be a great deal more cheerful if we learnt to be a little more pessimistic.
And, from a completely secular point of view, I'd like to suggest that in the passages before they go on to promise us salvation, religions are rather good at being pessimistic. For example, Christianity has spent much of its history emphasising the darker side of earthly existence.
Yet even within this sombre tradition, the French philosopher Blaise Pascal stands out for the exceptionally merciless nature of his pessimism. In his book the Pensees, Pascal misses no opportunities to confront his readers with evidence of mankind's resolutely deviant, pitiful and unworthy nature.
Scientific advances make us optimistic In seductive classical French, he informs us that happiness is an illusion. "Anyone who does not see the vanity of the world is very vain himself," he says. Misery is the norm, he states: "If our condition were truly happy we should not need to divert ourselves from thinking about it." And we have to face the desperate facts of our situation head on. "Man's greatness," he writes, "comes from knowing he is wretched."
Given the tone, it comes as something of a surprise to discover that reading Pascal is not at all the depressing experience one might have presumed. The work is consoling, heartwarming and even, at times, hilarious.
For those teetering on the verge of despair, there can paradoxically be no finer book to turn to than one which seeks to grind man's every last hope into the dust. The Pensees - far more than any saccharine volume touting inner beauty, positive thinking or the realisation of hidden potential - has the power to coax the suicidal off the ledge of a high parapet.
If Pascal's pessimism can effectively console us, it may be because we are usually cast into gloom not so much by negativity as by hope. It is hope - with regard to our careers, our love lives, our children, our politicians and our planet - that is primarily to blame for angering and embittering us.
Nurture and educate
The incompatibility between the grandeur of our aspirations and the mean reality of our condition generates the violent disappointments which rack our days and etch themselves in lines of acrimony across our faces. Hence the relief, which can explode into bursts of laughter, when we finally come across an author generous enough to confirm that our very worst insights, far from being unique, are part of the common, inevitable reality of mankind.
Our dread that we might be the only ones to feel anxious, bored, jealous, perverse and narcissistic turns out to be gloriously unfounded, opening up unexpected opportunities for communion around our dark realities.
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- A Point of View, with Alain de Botton, is on Fridays on Radio 4 at 2050 BST and repeated Sundays, 0850 BST
We should honour Pascal, and the long line of pessimistic writers to which he belongs, for doing us the incalculably great favour of publicly and elegantly rehearsing the facts of our sinful and pitiful state. This is not a stance with which the modern world betrays much sympathy, for one of its dominant characteristics and - in my opinion - its greatest flaw is its optimism.
Despite occasional moments of panic, most often connected to market crises, wars or pandemics, the secular contemporary world maintains an all but irrational devotion to a narrative of improvement, based on a quasi-messianic faith in the three great drivers of change - science, technology and commerce.
Material improvements since the mid-18th Century have been so remarkable and have so exponentially increased our comfort, safety, wealth and power, as to deal an almost fatal blow to our capacity to remain pessimistic - and therefore, crucially, to our ability to stay sane and content.
It has been impossible to hold on to a balanced assessment of what life is likely to provide for us when we have witnessed the cracking of the genetic code, the invention of the mobile phone, the opening of Western-style supermarkets in remote corners of China and the launch of the Hubble telescope.
Naivety and credulousness
Yet while it is undeniable that the scientific and economic trajectories of mankind have been pointed firmly in an upward direction for several centuries, you and I do not comprise mankind. None of us as individuals can dwell exclusively amidst the ground-breaking developments in genetics or telecommunications that lend our age its distinctive and buoyant prejudices.
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A pessimistic world view does not have to entail a life stripped of joy”
End Quote We may derive some benefit from the availability of hot baths and computer chips, but our lives are no less subject to accident, frustrated ambition, heartbreak, jealousy, anxiety or death than were those of our medieval forebears. But at least our ancestors had the advantage of living in a religious era which never made the mistake of promising its population that happiness could ever make a permanent home for itself on this earth.
The secular are at this moment in history a great deal more optimistic than the religious - something of an irony given the frequency with which the religious have been derided by the non religious for their apparent naivety and credulousness. It is the secular whose longing for perfection has grown so intense as to lead them to imagine that paradise might be realised on this earth after just a few more years of financial growth and medical research.
With no evident awareness of the contradiction they may, in the same breath, gruffly dismiss a belief in angels while sincerely trusting that the combined powers of the IMF, the medical research establishment, Silicon Valley and democratic politics will together cure the ills of mankind.
The benefits of a philosophy of pessimism are to be seen in relation to love. Christianity and Judaism present marriage not as a union inspired and governed by subjective enthusiasm but rather, and more modestly, as a mechanism by which individuals can assume an adult position in society and thence, with the help of a close friend, undertake to nurture and educate the next generation under divine guidance.
Capacity for appreciation
These limited expectations tend to forestall the suspicion, so familiar to secular partners, that there might have been more intense, angelic or less fraught alternatives available elsewhere. Within the religious ideal friction, disputes and boredom are signs not of error, but of life proceeding according to plan.
These religions do recognise our desire to adore passionately. They know of our need to believe in others, to worship and serve them and to find in them a perfection which eludes us in ourselves. They simply insist that these objects of adoration should always be divine rather than human.
Increased wealth makes us less pessimistic Therefore they assign us eternally youthful, attractive and virtuous deities to shepherd us through life while reminding us on a daily basis that human beings are comparatively humdrum and flawed creations worthy of forgiveness and patience, a detail which is apt to elude our notice in the heat of marital squabbling.
Why can't you be more perfect? This is the incensed question that lurks beneath a majority of secular arguments. In their effort to keep us from hurling our curdled dreams at one another, religions have the good sense to provide us with angels to worship and lovers to tolerate.
A pessimistic world view does not have to entail a life stripped of joy. Pessimists can have a far greater capacity for appreciation than their opposite numbers, for they never expect things to turn out well and so may be amazed by the modest successes which occasionally break out across their darkened horizons.
expect nothing, and you won't be disappointed. #nuffsaid
Catherine,
I didn't realize how involved you are in so many worthwhile organizations and your words ring so true. "No man is an island", as they say. How important it is to be attentive and empathetic to others around us, to count our blessings and/or lucky stars, to lend our ears and hearts to others, and express gratitude daily as soon as our feet hit the ground in the morning.
Merci de nous rappeler l'essentiel de la vie!
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Merci beaucoup!
Your beautiful comment touches me a lot.
I dedicated all my career to "the human", "l'humain". With different ways, different points of entries, from education and art when I was managing a Graphic Design School in Paris to training and coaching and interior decoration and Feng Shui and... The list never ends, as whoever I am in this incarnation, I will find a way to grow and help somebody else growing too. Sometimes it is a small touch, sometimes it gets more visible.
In my career and my personal life, I saw so many incredible beings crunched by accidents, when sometimes just a piece of free legal advice or an anonymous donation would have given them the push they needed to make it through. But "nobody knew"... Same way that "nobody knows" when children are abused or an entire population is dis/misplaced!
Of course I have also my soft points, I am not detached at all from the consumerism! Trust me... too many shoes, not enough feet! Far away from perfection, this is why I am so human! However the more I grow, the less I judge, but the less tolerance I have for hypocrisy or denial!
Smiles and Blessings to you,
Au revoir...
Catherine
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Catherine, once again you have hit on the essence of the issue.
Who are our neighbors? Why don't we know each other? What accountability do we have to each other? Who do we turn to when we need help? How many people can you really ask for help if you need it?
Sadly for many they feel there is no one, and when the work, money and support disappears really nice people like you and me end up in dire situations.
But there is always someone who has it worse, and if you are in a position to help you should start close to home. And start by answering the tough questions.
Thank you for your inspiration and for the courage!
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Merci Heather...
I was thinking of our conversation, and then I met Elyssa. When I went on her blog, the post got my in tears in 1/2 of a second. Big tears, the wave. I decided to do this post.
If one of my readers/watchers ask a friend or a neighbor a real question tonight, it will already be useful.
Smiles, Blessings and Bacon cookies (private joke)!
Catherine
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Je constate quand même que les services sociaux sont nettement plus deficients outre-Atlantique qu'en Suisse, mais hélas ça en prend aussi le chemin chez nous avec toutes les coupes annoncées dans les dépenses publiques... En attendant, je m'occupe quand je peux de ma vieille voisine, qui elle n'est pas à la rue, mais bon, c'est ma BA perso...
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Bonjour Anne!
Nor a lot of ! in my last post as you noticed...
I am sorry to read that even in Switzerland, budgets for helping people in need get cut.
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Brilliant post, Catherine!
Yesterday on our local news, they showed the disbanding of a "tent city" no one really knew existed near Ann Arbor, MI. Here were people living beneath trees and a tarp - lots of them! - and they were VERY upset to be losing THAT set up. They had lived in an apartment building that had apparently gone bankrupt and they didn't know where they would go! I thought, they are already nowhere, surely a government agency will step in! But they had already "used up" their time at the shelters.
I have not seen a follow up story on this! There's ALWAYS a follow up story the next day about how an apartment let the people live there or the shelter let them in. Not today. I don't know what to do. This is a couple of hundred miles from me, yet it's right next door. You're so very right about how close any of us actually is. There but for the Grace of God go I.
Thank you for this post, Catherine.
x0x
Anita Nelson @ModelSupplies
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Merci Anita,
for this heartfelt comment.
Every coach will tell you that every success story begins with a bankruptcy but I am not so sure it works that well when people have entire families to support and not even a bathroom. It is easier to get one friend on your sofa than one family.
What to do? Accept the survival of the fittest and nobody else? I don't think so!
Raise awareness in your own community, have a fundraising, find a building owner who could maybe help...
Ma cherie, I don't know either... But stand for what you feel is true, and build a bit more community, step by step.
Joy & Respect,
Catherine
@CatherineGrison
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In my world, you donate yourself to your community. Elders are taken care of and people who need help get it most the time. That is what I was taught on my path and it was also innate in my spirit growing up.
My father died when I was 8. There were crazy times that followed, however, my mother instilled in me how to give. Before she started back to school, my mom would bring home people from the Free Clinic in SF as they had no where else to go. She fed them and they would stay a bit. Although my mom didn't have much money, it didn't stop her from giving.
Giving begins at home. For me, I have no children, however, I am care taker of my four legged kids. I am also care taker of this earth. I go out and give of myself. I miss that right now as money is so tight I cannot afford the gas I would need to do some HIV counseling in another town.
Everyday, I see something new. I look around me. Today I saw two small doe's. It saddened my heart as I knew that their parent must have been killed and they were fending for themselves.
You can be anywhere and notice things. Does not have to be in the country. When I am doing errands, I might notice a bird that landed near by and say hello. I might just smile or open a door for someone. Giving comes in many forms.
I do miss that I cannot give to organizations. I NEVER used them as tax deductions. I gave to them as I believed in the work they were doing.
There are times that it is GOOD to be distracted by your surroundings as they can be quite negative. Being a person that remains calm and peaceful inside as there is craziness all around them. Your energy can affect water. It can affect so many things. The way you give, does it come from your heart? Are you trying to prove something to others? Many reasons why someone gives.
I have been on a fixed income for a long time now, however, it never prevented me from volunteering somewhere. With the homeless, HIV/AIDS counseling, Alcohol/Drug counseling, working to rehabilitate seals back to the wild. The list goes on and on. That is what my spirit misses in my life.
I was ALWAYS grateful for any part time job I could get to help with the finances. People who do have jobs tend to forget those who do not.
That is why I chose to persue my dream of writing. Getting our animated screenplay on the screen. What am I going to do when that happens. First take care of me (as I tend to over give) then work my way through my small community, then to the world at large.
Giving, I feel, needs to come from an unconditonal love in your heart. It all starts with the heart and the energy you emit from it. There are so many ways to give. So many things to see.
Just this morning I was sitting on my steps watching the full moon and thinking just how beautiful it was. The cold wasn't even affecting me - it was 30 degrees outside.
I really like your blogs. They bring up issues that need to be discussed and hopefully more will wake up and "smell" the roses.
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I love this article. It really shows how people should be concerned about everybody that she/he knows.
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Blessed...
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